Relationships are hard. Sometimes they are easy, and that feels terrific, but the hard times always come. It is how we navigate the hard times that counts. It counts in terms of building our capacity to be with ourselves, with our own sadness, grief, hurt, shame, etc. All of these more subtle feelings are often under the anger at our partner. Blaming is easy. Taking responsibility for our own feelings, embracing the pain of them, that is work. Hard times come for all of us not just because of difficult circumstances, illness, loss, but through things that trigger body memory of old wounds. When we react quickly we can be sure that we are witnessing the signature of an old wound.

I do couples work, however, that work requires especially hard looks at oneself and taking personal responsibility for one’s effect on one’s partner.

I heartedly recommend:

Mindsight, by Daniel Siegel

To Love and Be Loved, CD by Ondrea Levine & Stephen Levine